Presented below is the rebrand we deserve. Let us no longer subject ourselves to carrying around the liquid equivalent of a trapper keeper. Let us raise our voices loud and demand a can that we can be proud of. Sign the petition today.
Within this aluminum vessel is a legend. The stuff dreams are made of. The subject of a thousand memes and internet articles. The muse to countless artists and auteurs. The hope of generations to come, and the aspirations of generations past. The reason refrigerators were invented. Its name is Pamplemousse. We think it means ‘grapefruit’ in French. But we don’t know. We’re from Wisconsin.
Close your eyes. Imagine a stream. It’s running down the side of a mountain and into your mouth. The air is cool and crisp. You hear its gentle babbling and feel its biting chill as the water swirls around your toes. You look down and see a school of fish making their way southward along the banks. Open your eyes. This can of sparkling beauty is not a stream. It’s better than a stream. We don’t let fish anywhere near this stuff. Much less your disgusting feet.
We think lemons get a bad rap. There’s that cute little adage about how to keep smiling when life does bad things to you for one. And if the chrome strip on your glove compartment is blemished? Lemon. Well, we’re reclaiming lemons for the good guys. No longer shall we associate this delightful, hardworking fruit with life’s little iniquities. And we’re not going to gussy it up with limes or make any sort of “ade.” We stand proudly with the lemons of the world and we invite you to stand with us. We are sorry about your glove compartment, though.
While you might not know how to pronounce it, Lacroix is the world’s best sparkling water, as well as being Earth’s foremost party in carbonated form. With more than twenty flavors, there is a Lacroix for every non-sociopath on the face of the planet. Lacroix is made with natural flavors, so you don’t have to stay up nights wondering exactly what’s going on inside that can.
Oh, and it’s pronounced “luh-croy.” Tell your friends.